I
MY EVERYTHING

For fifty years I have been living with Meher Baba as my intimate companion;

He has been my total source of meaning and inspiration;

I have struggled to live my life according to His Wish;

I have tried to remember Him constantly;
His beauty His suffering His Love His humour;

I have read just about everything written
by Him, about Him, for Him,
and I have been touched by what they reveal;

I have held on tight to His Damaan when Life got difficult;

I have organised many a group
so that we may be together in His fragrant Presence;

I have made many a Pilgrimage to His Tomb/Shrine at Meherabad,
and to His Home in the West at Myrtle Beach;

I have sat at the feet of His beloved Mandali,
listening to tales of love and devotion;

and I have travelled the world with my poems and songs,

giving performances to entertain His Lovers;

In short
for fifty years
MEHER BABA
has been
my Lord
my Master
my Beloved,
my everything


I cannot say that this has been easy;
it has involved
conscious effort
every step of the way;
not for liberation or realisation,
but as an opportunity to live my life
in ways that may please Him
and make Him smile.

II
FALLING AND DISSOLVING

on the 4th January, 2018
on my way to Meherabad
I fell down some steps,
cracked a rib or two,
and had to return home.

over the weeks that followed,
as I was recovering from the fall,
I gradually became aware
that something profound was happening;
I was losing my focus on Baba!!
my resolve to keep Him at the heart
of all that I think and say and do
seemed to be
...dissolving...
as if a file was being quietly deleted,
by an unseen hand,
while I was merely a detached witness,
unable - or even unwilling -
to prevent it happening.

And so
it happened...

all my Baba ways,
my constant efforts,
the studying of His life and His work,
the meetings and earnest discussions,
the prayers, the pilgrimages, the songs...
...everything...
Slipped silently into the past,
and were gone.

It felt as if Baba was saying:-
your efforts have brought you this far,
now it is time for change;
it had become too habitual,
almost religious,
a hindrance to progress,
so you had to fall;
then with a smile
He gently blew them all away.
and I knew
with a quiet certainty
there could be no returning
to how things were.

III
MY NOTHING

now my everything had become my nothing,
leaving me naked in the presence of the Lord,
helpless and lost,
crying out
well what do I do now?
how will I ever find my way home?
and from out of the heart of my nothing
came this silent response...

all you have to do now
is surrender
surrender yourself wholeheartedly to My Will
accept without question everything that
IS
And
Trust Me
Completely
I will never ever let you down.

IV
MY NEW LIFE

so here I am
going about my usual daily business,
and in spite of a stubborn ego
which does not surrender gladly,
and a questioning mind
which does not easily accept or trust,
I am finding myself unexpectedly at peace,
content to remain under the veil,
happy to follow wherever He may lead,
facing whatever may come,
as I live each eternal moment
in the glow of His Grace...
in the glory of His Love...

and so I wait...
listening...
with an ear to the wind...

God is speaking
I do not wish to miss a whisper